Mark Foley

I am far from perfect, believe me, but Mark Foley has to take the cake as the biggest homo basket case that there is walking around the crazy state of Florida these days (or wherever his secret detox center is).

So his attorney just held an October surprise press conference, during which he opened the door to Foley's defense for his pervy emails and IMs by claiming this guy was molested by a clergyman in his teens. And what is even better, (and was NOT the headline on CNN.com) his lawyer then slips in, oh, by the way, Mark Foley wants you to know he is a gay man. First of all, thanks for the news flash, although a small part of me appreciates the fact that Foley finally allowed himself to be officially outed. However, I am gay and Catholic (non-practicing, but still Catholic), so thanks for lumping me in with all of the other 16-year-old Capitol page molesting gay Catholics. I mean, what is next? Maybe his mom only had one leg, and her disfigurement scarred him for life and turned him towards a wayward clergyman at the age of 13. Or maybe his puppy died last week and that caused him to suddenly become a "closet alcoholic." Believe me, I am taking notes, and if this creep quietly is allowed to slip out of the limelight, I am going to use the fact that I am a gay, cocktail loving Catholic the next time I find myself in my own unsavory situation.